Sunday, September 21, 2008

my situation has been dismissed

So here is my situation. I’m eating another delicious south Indian meal. It includes cucumbers, chutneys, this naan-ish thing filled with cheese, and a soup. As I’m scarfing down this tasty treat in front of my face I feel a grumble and/or a tumble in my belly. And maybe I should back up a bit. The group I’m with consists of 11 other girls who aren’t aware of the fact that I am a proud burper and farter. Therefore, me being the fragile and delicate lady that I am I have to hold them in. (for now at least) I rush to the bathroom knowing what my punishment for holding secrets in will be.

I guess that story was really irrelevant being that all I wanted to do was explain the toilet situation to you guys but I thought it would be nice.

Now here’s the important part. The bathroom is four brick walls with no ceiling. You turn a corner and there lies an Indian toilet. Flush with the floor and pretty much a porcelain hole. It’s not like a HOLE, hole. Well it is but it has room for error. Next to the porcelain hole is two porcelain rectangles. They are the perfect size for your feet to be placed. You carefully place your feet on the nicely put rectangles, pull down your pants to your knees and squat a nice comfortable squat. You have to make sure to aim correctly or several things can go wrong.
1. You pee all over the floor in front of you
2. You pee on your pants
3. You pee in the toilet but with a perfect angle to splash back on your usually bare feet.
I will admit that the splash back is my specialty but I am getting quite good at aiming. Peeing is the easy part. Pooing is a craft. You must make sure to not aim right at the hole because if your poop lands right in the water, splash back is inevitable since you are so close to the ground. You MUST and I repeat MUST land your droppings in front of the hole to avoid it. Then after wiping, whether it’s with your left hand or by luck there is toilet paper, you get a bucket of water and wash your droppings away. Ah... dismissed.

The end.

I will post pictures. I can't right now because our internet is complicated. It will start back up in October.


Alexanddurrr said...

hey crystal...
what's wrong with your internet? anyways, hope everything is going well. It's good to hear that you arrived safely. Hope you write soon!

hy said...

oh dear God. my admiration for you has increased 10-fold.

Christina said...

my poor baby:
I feel like smell your poop all the way here :)
I love you Crystal.
I am so proud of you.